Phil Maynard says that the typical greeting time during a worship service encourages people to shake a lot of hands rather than really engaging someone new. He offers simple strategies and conversation starters to encourage deeper connections.
In a typical greeting time during worship, people are encouraged to turn to their neighbors and welcome them to church or even to move around the worship space and shake a bunch of hands. From the perspective of creating an environment where relational connections are made, this approach is not very helpful.
What if, rather than encouraging people to rush around and shake a lot of hands, they were invited to introduce themselves to someone they don’t know and even share something about themselves? Some are reluctant to do this, citing the concern that they might have met the person before and just don’t remember or have seen the person regularly but don’t know their name.
Conversation starters
One of the congregations I worked with addressed these concerns with the following instructions:
Don’t know what to say? Here are a few conversation starters:
- Offer a handshake and say, “Hello. My name is ____. Have we met?
- If appropriate, ask for the person’s name, repeat it, and write it down later so you can connect again in the future.
- “It’s nice to have you here. Let me introduce you to ____.”
- “We have refreshments down the hall. Would you like to come with me?”
- If you think you know the face but can’t recall the name, try this approach: “Hello, I’m ____. I see you all the time, but I have forgotten your name.”
- Don’t be embarrassed if you are greeting a member and don’t know that person’s name—or be offended if someone doesn’t remember yours. We need to offer grace to one another. Try saying, “I’m sorry, but I need help remembering your name.”
Showing an interest in others
Remember that members and guests are looking to see where and how they can belong. Show an interest in others and listen lovingly to their words. People remember 10% of what they hear and 100% of how you make them feel. The best way to make people feel welcome is to take the time to have a conversation. Invite someone new to coffee or lunch today or next week.
Some congregations have found it beneficial to move the greeting time to the end of the worship experience and to encourage people to join their new friends at the hospitality center to get to know each other better.
Seven touches
Congregations that have guests leave worship feeling like they have made significant connections make an intentional effort to have those guests greeted multiple times as they approach the worship space. The general rule is “7 touches,” which does not mean actual physical contact but some expression of welcome by multiple persons. For example:
- Parking lot greeters
- Front door greeters
- Ushers
- Hospitality hosts/hostesses
- Greeting time
- Connection cards
- Pastor welcome
- Hospitality Center with hosts/hostesses
- Conversations initiated by regular participants
There are, of course, many other possible connection points!
Excerpted from Engage!: A Key to Kingdom Impact (Market Square, 2023) by Phil Maynard. Used by permission. The book is available at Market Square Books, Cokesbury, and Amazon.
Related Resources
- Relationships are the Key Ingredient in Successful Outreach by Doug Powe
- Be The Welcoming Church, a Lewis Center video tool kit resource
- 50 Ways to Welcome New People, a free Lewis Center resource
